Rollercoaster belly.

Do you know what I mean by rollercoaster belly? That feeling of that which up until now was steady and stable has just dropped out from under me and I no longer know where I am in space...

it's like this:
============\
                             \
                               \
                                 \
                                   \
                                  whoosh!


yes, exactly like that.

Life is certainly an adventure...

promised

I've been a little distracted lately...

I think I will put it this way:
"As someone once said, 'No noise is so emphatic as one you are trying not to listen to.'"(C.S. Lewis, Prayer: Letters to Malcolm) There have been noises that that I have been trying to ignore, but in an unhelpful way. Noises about hopes that I have, and things that I want, and how wouldn't it be wonderful if this were that way, but I didn't have to do anything to make it happen. Sometimes you have to get up and turn off the noise. This is far easier said than done, but I am taking steps towards it.

Towards being content in the moments I have been given and not clinging to those. Steps towards using my gifts in the relationships that I have been given. Steps towards learning to keep moving forwards and relying fully on the fact that my God is not directionally challenged, and He's going to get me through these moments closer to Him and to where He knows we both want to be.

I was reading earlier a letter from C.S. Lewis' Prayer: Letters to Malcolm and this quotation stood out to me, since I have recently been doing a lot of remembering:
'And the joke, or tragedy, of it all is that these golden moments in the past, which are so tormenting if we erect them into a norm, are entirely nourishing, wholesome, and enchanting if we are content to accept them for what they are, for memories. Properly bedded down in a past which we do not miserably try to conjure back, they will send up exquisite growths. Leave the bulbs alone, and the new flowers will come up. Grub them up and hope, by fondling and sniffing, to get last year's blooms, and you will get nothing. "Unless a seed die..."'

So, I am letting go; of a lot of things. I'm giving up how I thought things should have gone, or still should go, of my expectations of what will happen, and how those things, (good things, that I am anticipating and trusting God for) will come about. I don't want a preconceived notion of what will happen to ruin the blessings that will come in God's good timing.

The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. 2 Peter 3:9

God makes a promise.
Faith believes it.
Hope anticipates it.
Patience waits quietly for it.

buried treasure

Lost, broken,
discarded
things,
found
and restored.

Exclamations
of surprise!
and delight
at the potential treasure
all around you.

Enthusiasm for the different, the odd, the weird.

Pack rat tendencies not withstanding the joy you found in restoration, reminds me of our Saviour, who like you, finds the lost, the broken and the discarded and makes them new, gives them purpose.

Jonathan, your body may be broken beyond human repair but I know and have rest and peace in that you are not lost. You are with the One who made you, who knows you, who delights in you.

I grieve somewhat selfishly, knowing that you are in a far better place.

I look forward to meeting you again in the Kingdom of our Sovereign Lord and King.

I miss you.

detail oriented

You know what is super cool about God? I've always bee quite fascinated with this. How he makes such little intricate things that work. I was out on a date with God today, just walking in the woods, and watching the butterflies. They are so small and delicate and yet, their wings work, their legs work, their antenna work! How cool is that!?
We humans, crash through the world taking the little tiny details for granted! The capillaries, the nerves, the skin cells, the tiny microfilaments that make our muscles work... We are entirely dependent on the little details that we don't even notice!
And not only did God create us and the entire universe from the tiny details on up, but He is fully on top of all the tiny details that make up our lives and how best to fit them together for our good!
I am so glad that my God is detail oriented!

oh! (light bulb)

Gen 1: 14-15
And God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the heavens to separate the day from the night. And let them be for signs and for seasons, and for days and years, and let them be lights in the expanse of the heavens to give light upon the earth." And it was so.

Do you know what I just realized. God made the stars for signs before he made people. He determined their course in the sky before we were made. He was already ready to point us to our Savior before we existed. That's how much He loves us. That's how much He's got our future under control.

Abraham, he had a lot of waiting to do, but he trusted God.

No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what He had promised. That is why his faith was "counted to him as righteousness." But the words "it was counted to him" were not for his sake alone, but for ours also. It will be counted to us who believe in him who raised from the dead Jesus our Lord, who was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification.
Romans 4: 20-25

Let us be people of unwavering faith. Let us know:

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.
Jeremiah 29: 11-14

When three days seems like a long time...

My Jesus,
How long those three days must have seemed to Your friends.
How awful and how empty.
Thank You that as we remember Your sacrifice, we have the benefit of knowing the outcome, of knowing Your victory. That we are not lost and confused and helpless.
We are not bereft, but reassured of Your power and Your majesty and Your glory.
Waiting can be a dark place Jesus. It is not so easy, as You know.
Thank You that You carry us as we wait on You.
Thank You that our hope is not here, but in You and in Your kingdom.
My soul is waiting on You, though it is hard, because my hope rests in You.
You are my salvation, You are my Rock of Strength, You are my refuge.
Thank You, Oh my God, that I can pour out my heart to You, that You hear my prayers and even when I do not see it, You are answering them.
Be with Your friends, be with those who are waiting on You.
Help us Lord to wait well, and bring You honor and glory.
Power and lovingkindness are Yours my God and my King.
Your kingdom come, Your will be done.
I love You.

Hearts' cries

My soul waits in silence for God only;
From Him is my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.

My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us.

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;
My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,
In a dry and weary land where there is no water.
Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory.
Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips will praise You.
So I will bless you as long as I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.
My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.

Thanks David, for telling it like it is and keeping it real.
from Psalm 62:1-2, 5-8, Psalm 63:1-5