Mission Statement

Daily, I choose to trust in God's Sovereignty and faithfulness, to reflect His grace and love, and to sing His praises, for He is good and I am His.

Words are important, they direct our lives, sometimes whether we mean them to or not. The words we don't say can have as devastating an effect as the words we do say, which is disconcerting to say the least.

These are the words I have chosen for this stage in my life. Words that remind me of purpose.

Daily seems a bit obvious, but why then is it so hard?

Choosing aligns my volition with that of my creators'.

Trusting is keeping my faith and hope and life in Him.

God is the author of my salvation, who does not change like shifting shadows.

Sovereignty is God's rulership and dominion over Heaven and earth.

Faithfulness is the keeping of His promises.

I can not produce love or grace on my own, can only reflect it as the moon reflects the sun.

Grace is that which is given which is far better than we deserve.

Love is a verb, requiring service and self sacrifice on my part.

Singing His praises is what I have been created to do.

God alone is good.

My identity is found in Him.

to obey is better than to be emisis

So, Jonah.
Now Jonah, he hears from God, crosses his arms and stomps off in the other direction. Gets on a boat, runs into a storm, gets tossed over board, swallowed by a large fish, and after three days is vomited up in the right direction.

I don't know about you, but this sort of story makes me want to be super careful about hearing and obeying God's voice. I don't need to be anybodies indigestion... or you know.

The words on my heart are:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3 :5-6

I have also the inclination to be seeking first the kingdom of God, befriending faithfulness, and waiting.

So what does that mean?

A friend told me recently that it is better (in the context of dancing) to lead someone who will move with you, and a mentor suggested that ships are easier to steer when they are in motion than when they are still.

But how does that relate to being still and knowing that my Lord is God?

How to best be wise in this situation? How to trust and seek first the kingdom in this situation?

God alone knows.

I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice. Because He listens to my cries for mercy therefore I will call on Him all the days of my life. Ps 116:1-2

Rollercoaster belly.

Do you know what I mean by rollercoaster belly? That feeling of that which up until now was steady and stable has just dropped out from under me and I no longer know where I am in space...

it's like this:
============\
                             \
                               \
                                 \
                                   \
                                  whoosh!


yes, exactly like that.

Life is certainly an adventure...

promised

I've been a little distracted lately...

I think I will put it this way:
"As someone once said, 'No noise is so emphatic as one you are trying not to listen to.'"(C.S. Lewis, Prayer: Letters to Malcolm) There have been noises that that I have been trying to ignore, but in an unhelpful way. Noises about hopes that I have, and things that I want, and how wouldn't it be wonderful if this were that way, but I didn't have to do anything to make it happen. Sometimes you have to get up and turn off the noise. This is far easier said than done, but I am taking steps towards it.

Towards being content in the moments I have been given and not clinging to those. Steps towards using my gifts in the relationships that I have been given. Steps towards learning to keep moving forwards and relying fully on the fact that my God is not directionally challenged, and He's going to get me through these moments closer to Him and to where He knows we both want to be.

I was reading earlier a letter from C.S. Lewis' Prayer: Letters to Malcolm and this quotation stood out to me, since I have recently been doing a lot of remembering:
'And the joke, or tragedy, of it all is that these golden moments in the past, which are so tormenting if we erect them into a norm, are entirely nourishing, wholesome, and enchanting if we are content to accept them for what they are, for memories. Properly bedded down in a past which we do not miserably try to conjure back, they will send up exquisite growths. Leave the bulbs alone, and the new flowers will come up. Grub them up and hope, by fondling and sniffing, to get last year's blooms, and you will get nothing. "Unless a seed die..."'

So, I am letting go; of a lot of things. I'm giving up how I thought things should have gone, or still should go, of my expectations of what will happen, and how those things, (good things, that I am anticipating and trusting God for) will come about. I don't want a preconceived notion of what will happen to ruin the blessings that will come in God's good timing.

The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. 2 Peter 3:9

God makes a promise.
Faith believes it.
Hope anticipates it.
Patience waits quietly for it.

buried treasure

Lost, broken,
discarded
things,
found
and restored.

Exclamations
of surprise!
and delight
at the potential treasure
all around you.

Enthusiasm for the different, the odd, the weird.

Pack rat tendencies not withstanding the joy you found in restoration, reminds me of our Saviour, who like you, finds the lost, the broken and the discarded and makes them new, gives them purpose.

Jonathan, your body may be broken beyond human repair but I know and have rest and peace in that you are not lost. You are with the One who made you, who knows you, who delights in you.

I grieve somewhat selfishly, knowing that you are in a far better place.

I look forward to meeting you again in the Kingdom of our Sovereign Lord and King.

I miss you.

detail oriented

You know what is super cool about God? I've always bee quite fascinated with this. How he makes such little intricate things that work. I was out on a date with God today, just walking in the woods, and watching the butterflies. They are so small and delicate and yet, their wings work, their legs work, their antenna work! How cool is that!?
We humans, crash through the world taking the little tiny details for granted! The capillaries, the nerves, the skin cells, the tiny microfilaments that make our muscles work... We are entirely dependent on the little details that we don't even notice!
And not only did God create us and the entire universe from the tiny details on up, but He is fully on top of all the tiny details that make up our lives and how best to fit them together for our good!
I am so glad that my God is detail oriented!

oh! (light bulb)

Gen 1: 14-15
And God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the heavens to separate the day from the night. And let them be for signs and for seasons, and for days and years, and let them be lights in the expanse of the heavens to give light upon the earth." And it was so.

Do you know what I just realized. God made the stars for signs before he made people. He determined their course in the sky before we were made. He was already ready to point us to our Savior before we existed. That's how much He loves us. That's how much He's got our future under control.

Abraham, he had a lot of waiting to do, but he trusted God.

No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what He had promised. That is why his faith was "counted to him as righteousness." But the words "it was counted to him" were not for his sake alone, but for ours also. It will be counted to us who believe in him who raised from the dead Jesus our Lord, who was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification.
Romans 4: 20-25

Let us be people of unwavering faith. Let us know:

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.
Jeremiah 29: 11-14

When three days seems like a long time...

My Jesus,
How long those three days must have seemed to Your friends.
How awful and how empty.
Thank You that as we remember Your sacrifice, we have the benefit of knowing the outcome, of knowing Your victory. That we are not lost and confused and helpless.
We are not bereft, but reassured of Your power and Your majesty and Your glory.
Waiting can be a dark place Jesus. It is not so easy, as You know.
Thank You that You carry us as we wait on You.
Thank You that our hope is not here, but in You and in Your kingdom.
My soul is waiting on You, though it is hard, because my hope rests in You.
You are my salvation, You are my Rock of Strength, You are my refuge.
Thank You, Oh my God, that I can pour out my heart to You, that You hear my prayers and even when I do not see it, You are answering them.
Be with Your friends, be with those who are waiting on You.
Help us Lord to wait well, and bring You honor and glory.
Power and lovingkindness are Yours my God and my King.
Your kingdom come, Your will be done.
I love You.

Hearts' cries

My soul waits in silence for God only;
From Him is my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.

My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us.

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;
My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,
In a dry and weary land where there is no water.
Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory.
Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips will praise You.
So I will bless you as long as I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.
My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.

Thanks David, for telling it like it is and keeping it real.
from Psalm 62:1-2, 5-8, Psalm 63:1-5

Supplication

My Lord, I know not what I ought to ask of Thee.
Thou and Thou alone knowest my needs.
Thou lovest me more than I am able to love Thee.
O Father, grant unto me, Thy servant, all which I cannot ask.
For a cross I dare not ask, nor for consolation;
I dare only to stand in Thy presence.
My heart is open to Thee.
Thou seest my needs of which I myself am unaware.
Behold and lift me up!
In Thy presence I stand,
awed and silenced by Thy will and Thy judgments,
into which my mind cannot penetrate.
To Thee I offer myself as a sacrifice.
No other desire is mine but to fulfill Thy will.
Teach me how to pray.
Do Thyself pray within me.
Amen.
Philaret - Metropolitan of Moscow - 1782-1867

What I never knew!

Ok, so my grandpa: Famous! You heard me.
The other day I was having lunch with my aunt and uncle, and we were talking about this fabulous but unseasonably warm weather when my aunt said,
"It's going to snow, it always snows around daddy's birthday"
Not having known this little tidbit, I asked why, and she answered that he had been born in a blizzard.
So here is the story. My great grandmother is having a rough go of it. Her husband died when she was 6 months pregnant, so her sister comes to move in with her during her confinement, which is lucky, since near the end of her pregnancy great-grandma gets the measles.
She's got a high fever, the doctor is out of town, and this massive blizzard starts raging... that's when she goes into labour! So she pushes through and grandpa is born with a mild case of the measles, PLUS due to the blizzard, the pipes have frozen, ergo no water!
My grandpas' first bath was in beer! I love it!
So great-grandma and grandpa had a bit of a tricky start, but they make it through, life goes on.
Fast forward a two decades and the war becomes pretty central. Grandpa goes off and mans a radar station in New Brunswick I think, and while he's out there he meets all kinds of people from all over. One day, he introduces himself, John James Irvine, and a young soldier looks at him and asks:
"What did you say your name was?"
Grandpa repeats himself, and the soldier with a bit of excitement says:
"There was a John James Irvine who was famous in our town for being born in a blizzard with the measles and washed in beer"
And grandpa says:
"That was me, nice to meet you"

mitts or flip flops?

Gradually and yet all at once spring is upon us. Today I saw bare toes! Out and about bare toes! The feeling of spring is nigh, it's in the air, and it's intoxicating!

Here, on the cusp of spring, hearts are melting, giving no thought to the possibility of frost or snow breaking in on it's thaw. There is wild abandon in the throwing off of the layers that protect us from the icy chill of winter. A lightening of our loads, if you will, as we press forward into newness.

There is steady progress always, even when I cannot see it unfolding. These small but significant changes, one unsteady little step at a time. A little rain that melts the snow, a little extra warmth from the longer hours of daylight, a little bolder morning bird song...

March is not over yet, but still our anticipation of spring and summer outweighs our timidity and as we throw caution to the wind and leave the winter accessories behind.

"There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven -"
Ecclesiastes 3:1

holding loosely

This I have borrowed. These are not my words, but I want to own them, and share them with you:

The growth of all living green things
               wonderfully represents
      the process of receiving and relinquishing,
gaining and losing,
               living and dying.
                                       
                                                The seed falls into the ground,
                        dies
              as the new
        shoot springs up.

There must be a splitting
                                        and
                                                 a breaking
               in order for a bud to form.

The bud "lets go" when the flower forms.
                             The calyx lets go of the flower.
                                                      The petals must curl up
                                                                                   and
                                                                                                  die
                             in order for the fruit to form.

The fruit falls,
                       splits,
                                  relinquishes
      the seed.

The seed falls into the ground...

there is no ongoing spiritual life
                                                 without
                                                              this process of letting go.

                                                                                                -Elisabeth Elliot.

Collected in prayer

Father God, Sovereign King,
You are so patient with me, and gracious to meet me where I am at.
I ask that You give me the courage to live boldly for You, and strength to stand for the one true God, that the loved ones in my life, and those that I rub shoulders with on a daily basis would come to see Your faithfulness and grace and surrender their hearts to You.
Your love O Lord, is better than life.

waiting for the wrong wedding

There are details that I have stored away... just in case I might need them in a hurry, like a passport for a quick getaway. The dress has capped sleeves and is covered with lace, the bouquet is of sunflowers (even though I've heard you have to be careful that they don't stain), dancing to "caravan" by Rachel Portman, and a dance floor lighted with those little white Christmas lights. I don't have the groom yet, but I'm waiting hopefully and expectantly.

I know it's just a day, but all the same, I'm looking forward to it. Sometimes more than I probably should,
but I like the idea of my wedding. The beauty and meaning of the ceremony, the celebration with friends and family, the decorations, the prettiness, the dancing... and me being married.

I know, I know. There's more to marriage than the wedding.

And in any case, the wedding I should be waiting for is coming at an unknown date and time. Sometimes its hard to wait for a wedding you can't plan for, but I know it's the wedding that's worth the  wait.

My hope is in You LORD.

the string on our fingers

I live with my grandfather. He has short term memory issues. You can predict a conversation with him based on where he sits in the living room, mainly because of what reminders are available to him from his vantage point. I have tended to view this as tedious, but as I was trying to steer him in different directions from the same starting point, I realized something.

There is a story that my grandfather tells, about my grandmother going with him on a business trip to Bristol. While he was working, she had to find ways to amuse herself and so she would go exploring. At one point, while visiting some cathedral that had been damaged in the war she found that for a small sum she could make a brass rubbing, and the proceeds would go towards repairs. So she did, and there are two brass rubbings up in our living room as proof. Whenever the conversation lags, or he gets flustered he returns to the story of the brass rubbings, because he looks up, sees them and remembers. He actually often chuckles to himself as he remembers.

I, to my shame, have viewed this as tedious because it is a repetition that before now had born no real significance to me. I had heard the story before, and it wasn't really a blockbuster. But then I realized that  my grandfather remembers with pride and love a woman who was self-sufficient and capable, a time of youth and hope and promise. That in telling me the story, he relives a little bit that memory, and shares with me not only a bit of himself, but also a bit of my grandmother.

The other day, from the same starting point we got into what life was like when he was growing up on the farm. He did in fact half to walk a mile and a half to school except on the coldest winter days when his step father would take him in the horse drawn sleigh.  Before the depression his step father built a new barn, and the unspoken law of those days was that if you built a new barn, you had a dance to celebrate. He can remember as a boy sitting up in the loft watching the celebration and the dancing. The barn turned out to be a weak investment with the advent of tractors and the start of the depression. He can remember during the depression, men riding on the box cars of trains and going from farm to farm looking for work. He has memories of men showing up at the house and being invited for dinner even if there was no work for them, before they were sent on their way. There is such richness in these snippets that I get to glean.

I have short term memory issues. I often forget important things that I have learned. Just as the brass rubbings in our living room are a reminder for him of someone he loves, and a time in his life that he cherishes, they will now be reminders to me that it is worth the time and the repetition even, to love my grandfather by listening to him remember. 

I guess what I realized is that even if I have heard a story before, there are new things that I can learn from it, if I make the effort. 

becoming a faith gumby

I have a new job. And I am learning a thing or two about muscle tension and stretching. My boss' mascot is Gumby the claymation figure of a tv series from the 50's. While strength is important, he holds the opinion that the body is less susceptible to injury when the soft tissues are actually able to absorb energy and change lengths.

If he says to you "holy toledo, you're tight!" you know that you're in for a bit of stretching.

What I am learning is that the length and tension of muscles has a pretty big impact on the supporting frame, our skeletons, and that stretching the muscles can change, for the better, our posture, our body positioning, our pain.

Now, it's no secret really, that stretching is not so comfortable. It can be downright painful. However, it is a good and necessary pain that will prevent and perhaps reverse damage to the body. So I see that if I will not take care to stretch myself, either things will continue in the current direction, or I may have to hand myself over to be stretched.

My faith is sometimes like a tight muscle. And I can tell you that like the others, the stretching of my faith is often quite uncomfortable.  Once it becomes a little less tender, more supple, more willing to trust in one direction, I am often stretched in quite another direction... one in which I never knew I was so tight.

So as I am being stretched, I'm learning, and trusting that like physical stretching, this stretching of my faith is also beneficial. For God is good. And not nearly so smug as I am when others are at my mercy.

Son exposure

Ah, a new day! The sun is shining and the trees are all prettily laden with snow. It's a beautiful, if cold (-20) day.

Yesterday was messy. Snow falling in various states throughout the day. Sometimes wet and heavy, sometimes small and sharp. The roads were sloppy and greasy and unfortunately decorated with the flashing lights of police cars, tow trucks, snow plows, fire trucks and ambulances.

Sometimes your mood follows that of the weather. Or maybe we just reflect the amount of sun exposure that we get. Today will be a good day.

what do I know of trust?

Two thousand and twelve! A new year! How exciting!

I like to start my new year with a list. And one of the things on my list this year is to learn more about fasting. And I'm really excited about something that I learned so I want to share it with you. (I learned it in one of John Pipers' sermons from http://www.desiringgod.org/)

You may or may not know that Jesus was tempted by Satan in the wilderness after He was baptized.

Matthew 4:1-4

Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. And the tempter came and said to him,"If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread." But he answered, "It is written, 

'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"

Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness.

Jesus had fasted forty days and forty nights.

Jesus was hungry.

Jesus is the Son of God.

Jesus can turn stones into bread.

Is it wrong to turn stones into bread?

Jesus answers the tempter from Scripture.

Deuteronomy 8:1-3
"The whole commandment that I command you today you shall be careful to do, that you may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land that the LORD swore to give to your fathers. And you shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that He might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. And He humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD."

Israelites led by God forty years in the wilderness.
Israelites humbled and tested through this experience.
Israelites were allowed to be hungry for a time, but then were fed.
Israelites were fed with manna, a bread which they had never experienced before, which was made by God.

What do I learn from this?
Well, I know that God can make bread from nothing, that making bread is not wrong.
And I also come to know that making the bread is not the point.
That the real point is trust God to satisfy your hunger and meet your needs.

WOW!

Isn't that huge!? That God may allow me to be hungry for a time, but that He is more than able to meet my needs, and not even necessarily in the way that I might expect Him to. That the goal is not the manna, but a deeper trust in my God.

Don't need bread, need God. Don't trust bread, trust God.

The steadfast love of God is better than life.