more than time

A day like this spans more than 24 hours. Today seems to have taken so much more than time. This day began early, and had its' share of frustration and heartache. But it was also a day filled with sweetness. The sweetness of friendships and moments well spent, of service that I know came not from boredom or necessity but of love. A day of jokes and laughter, tears and hugs, of promises and future plans.

I have been so blessed!  Though today stretches past mere time spanning the end of how things were and the beginning of where tomorrow will take me; it is a journey well worth taking into hopes, plans, and a faithful leap toward the unknown. It has been a long and lovely day.

Today I left chunks of my heart in central Alberta. Community and friendships that I never expected, springing seemingly from nowhere and bringing joy and sustenance to my heart. Love is tricky, because it opens you up to hurt, pain, and sorrow. However even the hurt of leaving is worthwhile for the joy of loving and being loved.

Leaving is difficult, because once again things have changed and they can never be the same again. But I have gained so much more than I have lost.

Thank you to each of you who made the decision to change course so difficult. The difficulty lies not in what lies ahead, but in what must be left behind to go forward. I look forward to the day we meet again, especially the day that holds no more goodbyes.

can't sleep in

It's Saturday. Why am I awake now? There are butterflies in my midsection and a constant whirring happening between my ears. Such that I cannot even fall back to sleep. I am nervous and excited and sad but hopeful all at the same time. One week from today life changes again. It keeps changing. And that is a good thing. But I can't sleep.

icy fruit

This morning I awoke with a start and slid to my knees.

I had a dream. One that started rather pleasantly actually...

I was sitting at a picnic table with my brother and my sister, and we were eating some sort of fabulous and novel fruity ice dessert. It was sweet but not too, and cold, but not painfully or sharply cold, tender but with a bit of crispness... actually, it was completely indescribable, but very good. It's a bit weird that we were eating these cold desserts because it was wintery. Very wintery. Snow and ice all around. And I wasn't sharing my dessert. In fact there was more fruit on the table and I was hoarding it. Snow kept falling on it and I was getting mad and trying to shield it, polish off this fruit (which actually looked a bit like tomatoes, but it didn't taste tomato-y). I got mad enough that I stood up to shield the fruit with my body, and then the snowy ice beneath us shook and cracked open and my brother was swallowed and I couldn't do anything to help him. I couldn't save him. I couldn't even see him.

That was my dream. But it made me think about what has been going on in my life. About how these last few weeks I have been so self centered, thinking about moving and traveling and what should I be doing and what do I want.

My purpose here is not my job, as much as I love my job. And my purpose here is not to have fun or adventures although that does happen to be a bonus that comes with a life of following God.

My purpose is to tell the truth, to tell people about the wonderful love of the good God who made a way for us to have relationship with Him. And my desire is to see those that don't know Christ, especially those I love most, come to Christ, trust in Him, and know peace and hope and love.

So what have been the "fruit" in my life? My own interests. When I take my eyes off Him, to look for the other things, the good things that He brings into my life, that is when I forget my real purpose. When I forget that there is more going on than meets the eye. And that I need to be sharing the love of my perfect Redeemer.

Do you know? Do you know that God is real? That heaven and hell are real? Do you know that you have a choice? To live for Him or to live for yourself.

Today I choose again to live for Him.

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

tin cans and old boots

Let me tell you about a guy. He's a good guy. He's a fisherman. A bit rough around the edges, but with a willing heart. He's had a rough couple of days, his good friend, a guy he really looked up to, admired and loved has been tried and executed for crimes he was innocent of.

So, this fellow, this fisherman, goes back to what he knows. Fishing. He and some buddies get out on the water, they lower their nets, they wait. And they wait. All night. And... Nothing.

Then the next morning they're heading in, and some dude on the beach hollers out to them:

"Catch anything?"

An emphatic

"no"

Is thrown back at him.

Dude on the beach says :

"throw your net over on the right side (or starboard)"

And despite the fact that the boys are tired, and discouraged, they do. And they fill their nets to capacity.

So our fisherman, Simon Peter (you may have heard of him), realizes that dude on the beach is really Jesus (also fairly well known) come back to life. Peter flings himself out of the boat and swims to see his friend and teacher. The boys drag in their haul, and everybody has breakfast on the beach. John 21:1-14

I don't always remember this story. But I like it. Especially because I was recently talking about a form of fishing with a girlfriend. About how sometimes we, as single girls, fish for attention from any man.

Peter used to be a fisherman, but Jesus gave him the new job of fishing for men. When Jesus died, Peter went back to what he had done before, it was a regress of sorts... I get that.

Even back at his old job, he's not doing so hot, not even one fish to show for his troubles... I get that.

And then Jesus comes back into the picture, and suddenly what Peter had gone back for was there in abundance, fish galore! But what he really needed, really wanted; to be with his Lord and friend, to have purpose and meaning and direction that was there as well and it was infinitely better.

Sometimes as a single girl, I get thinking about how I'm not married, and how I'd like to be married. How life hasn't gone exactly as I planned and things that I had hoped would happen haven't happened. And then I get side tracked and forget what I'm supposed to be doing.

I go back to fishing, fishing for a man, so to speak. And coming up with tin cans and old boots.

Until I get reminded that when I listen for my Jesus and trust Him with a willing heart, that not only will He provide the desires of my heart, but He comes along side me and gives me what is better. A relationship with Him, which lasts for eternity and is far better than even the prize winning fish.

ode to moments

time to rock

4 o'clock

car fully loaded

destination noted

fuel excepting

trip to begin

three hills met

course was set

accomplice acquired

navigator fired

calgary attained

friend gained

swingers swung

sweat was wrung

found accommodation

lost the trepidation

super-fantastic breakfast

by ophthalmic technologist

bakery temptations

grocery inflations

are we there yets posed?

more than natures crows

park pass not needed

Alberta receeded

in Revelstoke we camp

and up a path do tramp

bears avoid

stove destroyed

eat what's cold

truth be told

can you work that?

hot then cold bath

star starers

lifted prayers

morning yoghurt

lost in lumber

Barb the baptist

leaving quite blessed

with a new stove

to a tree grove

zip lines and ladders

ropes and carabiners

ferry men want beer

lets get out of here

Nakusp Hot Springs

pruned digits for rings

resisting rushing

enforcing brushing

unexpected meet

sometimes stinky feet

italian at kaslo

hey is that my uncle?

mirror lake campsite

solitude is alright

Caves at Ainsworth

giving pairs a wide berth

mysterious and wonderful

and a freezing waterfall

rainfall false alarms

fooling bears with linked arms

canoeing rhythms

duck schisms

reflected pinnacles

lost and found spectacles

ferry cross the kootenay

contemplate the need to wait

crawford bay artisans

icecream, gelato and fruit stands

traffic to a halt

logging truck at fault

plan to trail tp

girls from the city

just our luck

rumbling trucks

pass our meal

road reveal

so exhausted

find a clean bed

woke by train

gray and rain

best market fresh

baked goods, delish!

don't look down code

up the gravel road

lussier hot springs

natural wonder brings

slimy algae

sulfur smelly

brisk numbing river

cause to shiver

skills of redress

while we regress

onto radium

thence to Banff yum

mountains behind

poem to remind

glad to adventure 

with my dear sister

what we can't possess

I went on a lovely adventure not too long ago. An adventure through a part of BC that I had not yet experienced. The landscape and view were breathtakingly big. And though not really a little person, I did in fact notice that by comparison, I am quite small for a tall girl.

It is a difficult notion to grasp that through faith the size of a mustard seed not only am I able to move mountains, but in fact nothing is impossible for me.  (Matt 17:20) I know that in my own strength and power I am possibly able to move a tree on a mountain. With some equipment I may be able to move several trees at once, even fell them. But through the power of the Holy Spirit I am able to move not just the trees but the mountain beneath both figuratively and literally.

Have you seen mountains? Canadian mountains? They are quite ... well, large really.

Being in the presence of such enormity inspires wonder and awe regardless of ones belief system. At such times I wish I could capture and hold that feeling of wonder, that moment of time, that impressive and supernatural beauty. Not just of pictures but the more that we can't quite get a handle on.

Sometimes I am wildly taking pictures trying to seize and keep what I see, distracting myself from the fact that I cannot. That it is more than what I see, more than what I feel, but a longing which cannot, I think, truly be satisfied in this place or this time. I agree with CS Lewis who wrote in Mere Christianity "If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, ... we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world."

courtesy of Allison, whose hand eye coordination is excellent especially when it comes to capturing moments

and mountains

The sweetest things in life I think are those which we cannot possess. Friendship and love, time and beauty, tastes, sounds, experiences, dreams. That which can be owned is soon less valuable, forgotten, broken, replaced. And the very fact that we are always wanting even when we have received so much of what we desired, is a sure sign that there is something appealing to us in the hoping for or expecting of, which is lost when what was sought is held. Sadly, forgive this thought, it just came to me, we are like dogs chasing squirrels, not knowing what to do with what we catch.

Funny, I had intended to tell you all about my trip in the mountains. I suppose the next holiday, the next road trip, the next plan seems much more exciting than that which has happened. I rarely tire of discussing my plans before they happen, but unless a story is really good, there is a limit to wanting to tell it. And strangely it is mostly the moments we wouldn't want to relive that make the best stories. Wish I had taken a picture of my friend Allison and I making KD mac and cheese on the side of the road, in the dark, with big trucks relentlessly passing a bit too near and a bit too fast for comfort.

Thank God for the value in the moments and experiences that we cannot possess.

eat your pickles

Sometimes, we needlessly get into pickles.

For instance, rushing about so that I could get out the door quicker I left my wallet behind. Realizing that I had forgotten my wallet, I ran back inside, decided to change my pants, grabbed my wallet, slammed the door and off I ran to the car. The clever little red car waiting with it's driver door open. I sit in my seat, buckle myself in, reach for the keys in the ignition... Oh that's right I had to unlock the door.

Realization hits like a brick.

Yes, I did just lock my house and car keys in the house. Now that is a pickle.

What are my options?
Sonic screw driver? Who but the doctor has one of those?
Neighbours? Not home.
Windows? oh bother.

So with little skill but much determination I find a partly opened window. Destroy the screen trying to remove it. Dive head first through with my red shoe clad feet kicking wildly out the window simultaneously trying to maintain balance and ease myself forward so as not to break my neck or any other part of me.

Sometimes I do wish I had the skills of a cat burglar. But then of course I picture myself being a little less awkward, and obviously clothed all in black, sliding in and rolling into a sommersault before soundlessly springing to my feet again. And while I did not in fact break any part of me, my entrance was neither sleek nor graceful. But I got the keys and carried on my merry way.

To further illustrate the point that rushing for the most part saves you no time, and can end up slowing down the rest of the world, let me tell you about a recent holiday experience. A friend and I had taken some time off to celebrate the last of summer and were touring the hot springs circle route in BC.

We were on the fourth day of a five day trip. The trip up to this point had been both exhillerating and relaxing. We took our time, had some adventures, and did our fair share of soaking. But it was day four, I was (I hate to admit) a bit cranky, and a bit frustrated that we were not as far along as I had intended. But, we had had fun up until this point, we had done the things we wanted to do and seen the things we wanted to see, and I had to let it go. So I did. I let my friend drive for a bit, and tried to snooze it off. Then I realized we were coming to a stop.

Had I slept the remainder of the trip away? What luck! Oh, no...

please note the line of cars ahead and behind

There was a huge, huge line up of cars ahed of us. And those that were passing in the other direction were wildly signaling us with gestures that indicated length. Not really understanding, we accepted our fate, turned off the vehicle and waited. We only had to turn on the car to creep forward every 20 minutes or so. For an hour we did this. And then another. Both of us were badly needing to pee by the end of the second hour and seizing an opportunity we left the line to use an obliging neighbours' toilet. I freely admit that I am a city girl when it comes to squating. Especially with the potential for so many onlookers. No thank you.

It's also there that we found out what was happening. A careening logging truck had overturned, and while the road crews were doing the clean up they were allowing only one direction of traffic to pass at a time. The driver was injured and had to be taken to hospital in an ambulance. Our host assured us that we were coming to the end of the line soon. We thanked her, and got back into line.

It's true, we were near the end of the line. Unfortunately because we had gotten out of line to go the toilet, we were now close enough to see the scene, but stuck there as they closed both lanes of traffic to finish the log removal with greater safety as darkness descended.

When we did finally get through the 48km stretch 3 and bit hours later it was dark. We had had time to set up our camping stove and make KD on the side of the road. And tea. Albeit, it was a bit awkward when the traffic started moving again and we were camped on the side of the highway. But we had at least eaten.

From thence we drove to the nearest town and got a hotel room instead of putting up the tent. And do you know what? It was the best sleep I had had all week. Sometimes, actually often, things don't go the way we plan, and they bring unexpected obstacles into our paths. And it can turn out ok. So eat your pickles and don't get into them.